Today...

Today for a few hours... I wasn't myself... I don't know why... I was angry... revolted at many things.... that is NOT the me I know AT ALL!...

Sure... the game I wanted to play with my brother wasn't working... the Internet was failing... I couldn't go to the living room where the playstation is because my dad had lots of people coming to see him and more kept coming... and I was the one who had to go answer the doorbell...

Then we had to go to my grandma's place and my mother started yelling and all that... about all those little things that apart from making me who I am and others that have NO importance at all... I don't know what gotten into me... I still don't think it was any of that that made me feel that way... well, sure, I hate when my family starts yelling at me about things that I disagree on, like my appearance or something... so what if I want to let my hair grow? I don't like it... no... but I am above that, that's not what concerns me...

Apart from that... maybe the reason is that I miss her... It's the only difference in my life that I can think about...

Anyway we went to my grandma's... When I got inside I noticed I didn't have one of my cellphones with me (the one with the 91 on it if you wanna know) so back outside to get it, I figured it fell out of my pocket into the car seat... the car was locked but since I was in such a weird state and it wasn't all that bad outside I thought "meh... maybe I'll go have a walk during the night..." so I went on along the dark road... on the village you don't have much light... one street light once in a while... and maybe a car that occasionally passes by... and there I was... walking along... not knowing what to think, feel or even do... went around the village... thinking how one day if I could... maybe... bring her along in our bikes... passing through a field I once discovered while riding my bike... it looks hidden and even in the middle of all those houses... you pretty much only see a field and flowers... I love it there... but I didn't go there because I thought it was too far... funny thing is, in the end I decided to pass by it... but just before that... I leaned against a wall and just stood there for a minute or two... I can't even say if I was thinking or simply existing... I did think about writing this I'm writing now... and how I think so many  times "I should write this and that on the blog" and 99% of the times I don't... either way... I went around the other side to go back to my grandmother's place... that village is the place of my childhood and it was rather nice to see it again...

When I got back I wasn't much better than I was but... I decided to go and be with Ninja a bit (my grandma's dog), he's a small  black and white dog, always full of energy and always shaking with excitement when he sees someone... I went there and he was, of course, almost strangling himself to just come closer to me, I went there and crouched, put my hand on his head and he held himself up by putting his paws on my other hand... I don't know... there's something about that dog... how he's so full of energy and when you're close he's just so happy and well just for you to be there... and you really feel it... I've never sensed such emotions on any dog or animal... his affection and his happiness... the face he makes when you touch him... I don't know...

But from that point on, and I only stood there no more than 15 seconds... I was instantly happy again!

It was strange... but I did!

I went back him and everyone asked where I was (aka, my mom), I didn't say anything but soon enough my aunt Paula (which I've gained a lot more liking today) (or maybe it was my godmother? doesn't really matter now) said "he went to see the village right?" "yup, something like that".

Well, after dinner, and as expected, my mom started criticizing me and stuff, about all I said before, hair and all that... but my aunt defended me, it was strange... I mean strange as in... usually criticizing me is easy and all, but never had I seen someone defend me or at least talk for me...

She said that each one has it's own styles and all that... and all of a sudden all the pressure was relieved from me...

Well after that we were all sharing stories and things we did way back then... maybe I'll tell some later...


Then we told jokes to one another...

It was nice... actually nice... I think it was the first time I actually liked a familiar event... maybe because I wasn't in the "kids" table today nor did I go and play with them and stuff? Don't know... just know that it was nice =)

And I found out... well I think I already had an idea but... that there is someone very close to me who's great at drawing! And I mean it ^^

Plus I can feel it in her that she really likes arts and stuff like that... it kinda fits her, and she's talented to it =)

That's all I have to say... just two more days hopefully...

I'm tired... from the inside and the outside... I need to be with her... it's been too long... maybe that's what's been messing me up...

M...?... Please tell me we'll be together soon :)