What's wrong with me...

Why is it that when I have to work I just get... stuck... paralyzed... Today... like an hour ago or so... I had to do some work for an English assignment... I just froze there... staring blankly at the screen for god knows how long... I don't know why, it's not like I was procrastinating or something, I could be playing a game or something but I wasn't! I knew I had to work, and this time I really meant to do it... so I just froze there... why?... what the hell is wrong with me?! How can I change this? SHOULD I change this?

Bah... I always wished school evaluations varied depending on the student... I can do stuff... I know stuff... I can comprehend nearly everything with little effort... but I was never a good student... because I never did any homework, because I didn't deliver my works, because I didn't do this or that bla bla bla... I always felt it was a bit unfair... it's not like I didn't care... but I just couldn't do stuff at home, I wouldn't mind at all to have special evaluations or tests from my teachers or something, WITH THEM IN SCHOOL! Because it is known that it's almost impossible for me to work at home... because of all that, my grades was always crappy... well, except on one or two subjects, either because the teacher would understand me a bit, or because there were no works, or because they were subjects where I would just be great at, such as English, gym, etc... but I don't say this just for me, I think that every student should have a slightly different evaluation depending on how they are... after all, what's more important? The final result? The product that's made or the things that were learned? Or that a person did that by following a certain path?
It's just stupid... who cares if you get a result of 45 by doing (40 + 5), or (50 - 5) or (2 x 10 + 5^2)!? YOU STILL GET THE NUMBER 45!!! The goal in everyone's life is to reach a goal, school's aim is to make kids ready for their future jobs, supposedly at least... so who cares how they do it if they get the correct result?!
Sure, no one expects them to just magically know everything on their own, teach them the formulas and all that crap, but if they find a way of their own and it equals the result that the equation represented... meh, those things should even be encouraged! Thinking outside the box, being creative, solving problems on one's own... where is all that? Nowadays we're all robots, at least they expect us to be, we have to do everything as they have visualized or else we fail... what the hell is up with that?

And sure, math is one of those issues that I mentioned above, but another thing worse is literature, when they ask us to guess what some dead author meant when he wrote some random thing on his poem - AND NO! I'M NOT SAYING THIS BECAUSE IT'S ALL OVER 9GAG NOW! - what's worse, it might not even be what the poet wrote, but what the teacher thinks the poet wrote, and we have to guess what the teacher thought he meant... god dammit... some things in school are just so wrong... I know... I understand that teachers have a lot of work and all that but come on... they are only favoring one of the types of students, which are those that work at home and all that crap... if there's a student that excels at sports, if there's one that can simply solve any kind of problem that's shown in front of him, if there's a student who can simply feel the things and choose wisely, if there's a student that can analyze something he's never seen and solve it... well, none of those is going to have much luck with this education scheme... in fact, I heard that the gym classes are gonna stop counting to the calculations of a student's average grades! So if someone's good at sports but not so much at the rest... THEY FAIL AND HAVE TO END UP WITH A LOUSY JOB BECAUSE NO UNIVERSITY WOULD TAKE THEM!

And grades were also something that pissed me off... a lot... people should be more (or less) than that, grades are a label, and it's wrong to label people, so why do they do it?
People should be considered for how they are as a person and how they actually perform certain tasks... just because you had a 18/20 doesn't always mean you can do it! And vice versa... just because you had a bad grade doesn't mean you can't work on that area, it just means you weren't evaluated positively... for example, I've seen a lot of people with like, 18 out of 20 in the English class, oh yeah pretty nice and all, but you couldn't have a conversation with them, they wouldn't understand and couldn't speak back to you, and that's where all of what I said above also becomes true, it's because they did work at home and crappy things like that, if it's "fair" to penalize those who know because they didn't work, is it also "fair" to uprise those who know nothing just because they did things like "My favorite food is bacon but I also like cheese a lot" which was the homework the teacher sent? Is it fair that those who don't know get the best chances in life just because of that and then won't even do a decent job?

Grades are not quality... the quality is inside each one, and that quality should be seeked, checked, tested, put to proof, be found out for what the person is and what the person can do, for her ability and not for her making things once in a while because someone said so or else they would fail...

And it's never even important work that we have to do either... it's always silly things like "My pet cat" or "my dream holiday" or something like "when I grow up I want to be..."... why should that be so important in our lives? Or our school evaluation? Why is it that when we know all kinds of different equations and formulas, square and cubic roots, functions, graphics that when tend to infinity equal zero and all that, and then we get a subject that's like an introduction at math, and they start by learning summation, they are going to fail us because we didn't do our exercise sheet that was sent home that consisted in:

" 2 + 2 = _;
  1 + 0 = _;

It's ok if you don't do this one student's, it's very very hard! :)

45 + 88 = ___."

And they the teacher comes and says stuff like "sorry but I can't pass you, you didn't do your homework..."

Like.... WTF! What I just gave was a comparison example... and that also happens a lot... imagine a student knows stuff before being in a certain subject... of course he might be bored and not feel the need to do the exercises because they are level 1 when he's like level 37 already? That is another thing to notice... Why isn't the teaching more accurate and precise according to the student?

I don't care about the grids or the evaluation system or any of that crap... teachers should have a conscience for themselves and know what's best...

I just looked in front of me and... OH SHIT! IT'S THE SUN!

In other words... I better go to bed...

I've never written so much though... I guess that's because this is the subject that always bothered me the most... angered me... I don't know... it's so unfair... and I don't say this for me... I say this for all kids and people in the world...

Well tomorrow is back to Braga and then it's the last week of classes! yay :)

Last week I know I'll spend with her too... bah... well... I hope we can still meet up and spend a few days together in the holidays =)
I love that girl more than anything and... maybe that's why I actually did work this time... don't know if it was enough but...
And... I miss her :/
I wish she was here now... or me there... anyway... I won't think too much about it... I'll see her tomorrow won't I? :)

Then I'll be happy again ^^

She makes me happy... it's good to love and be loved... I still stand with the idea that I never want to lose her, for whatever reason! I love her more than anything and... I've never met someone so perfect for me... she's just like me in so many ways... and the opposite on one or two but... it's those two that I need to improve on, and she'll also help me achieve that... I have the perfect girlfriend that's not just my perfect match... it's my helper... my best friend... my everything...

And here I thought this would be the first topic without talking about her... ehehe, seems like I was wrong once again.

But now it really is late (or early) so I'm really going.

Cya          ,(^_^)/